The Lives We Wish We Could Have Had

How do we make peace with a life that isn't exactly the way we thought it was going to be? Or not at all what we thought it was going to be?

When we're young — and just younger — we tend to be filled with dreams and aspirations and hopes for what's going to happen on the open road of life that lies ahead of us.

We think about the jobs we'll have, the relationships will have, the love we will experience, the things we will see, the victories we’ll celebrate.

But it is almost invariable, that at some point this thing we might call ”reality” sets in.

As John Lennon famously said:

”Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.”

At some point our perspective invariably flips. Sure, a few of us get fortunate and end up living lives that fairly closely match what we were hoping for. However, the majority of us end up going in a completely different direction, either pushed there, or pulled there, or inadvertently distracted there, or landing there by necessity.

Then we wake up one day and realize that we're nowhere near where we thought we were going to be. For some, that day leads to a sad resignation to our fate, for others it might become a reactionary midlife crisis, and yet others see it as a reason to reinvent themselves.

Alarmingly many never even question what happened to their dreams.

The common thread typically becomes that we recognize that there is a point at which there is more "road" behind us than there is left open in front of us.

In the course of my life — perhaps because I have spent a lot of time involved in the self-development and spiritual awareness communities — I have encountered a lot of people who have found themselves contemplating this variation of dreams vs. reality and the encounter has turned them into somewhat bitter and angry people.

Whether justified or not, there is authentic anger there… this lingering sensation that life is unfair and it it somehow has passed us by without giving notice. Even though — if you're objective about it — life doesn't owe us "giving notice."

Perhaps the thing we end up struggling with the most is personal accountability for the outcome we are sitting with. The natural tendency — which seems to be something we're almost born with! — seems to be to look around for something or someone to blame.

It is the adult version of our behavior as kids: pointing at our friend and saying "Johnny made me do it!"

I spent many years blaming my father's death — less than a month after my 18th birthday — on the fact that I couldn't get on with my life because I had to spend almost 2 1/2 years chasing down all the legal ramifications and weird stuff related to settling his estate. I had to do that because I was legally "of age" by 28 days, making me the responsible adult.

Yes, that sounds strange and the reasons for it taking 2 1/2 years across a dozen countries would require an entirely separate post to explain.

Of course, my dad didn't plan to keel over and die from a stroke shortly after his 60th birthday, so blame is completely inappropriate. It was simply a case of ”life happens — deal with it.” And life definitely isn't fair, either.

Do I wish I'd had a chance at that "other" life? Sometimes I do, but not in a regretful way. I have learned to not lose sleep over what could have been...

Thanks for stopping by and have a great remainder of your week!

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2026.11.05 01:13 PST
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