The Fallout of "Making Yourself Useful"

"Make yourself useful!"

It was almost certainly one of the phrases I was most likely to hear from either of my parents when I was a kid, starting around age 4-5.

In my extended family, your "worth" was primarily measured by what you did; the work and tasks you completed. It was more important than actual accomplishments, even.

It also meant that if you looked like you were standing still and not actively doing something, you'd be put to work, in short order. And there was never a shortage of things that needed doing!

We had a dairly large house, and an even larger house... and the idea of actually paying for help was completely unheard of... that was what kids were for.

Of course, it took me quite a few years to catch on to the idea that I could simply look like I was busy with something important, and it made it less likely that I would get called on to do something... like yardwork.

I suppose I really wasn't a "good kid" in the sense that I didn't just do as I was told, instead feeling — by age 10-11 — like I was little more than a glorified indentured servant. Overly dramatic, I know...

My reluctant conclusion was mostly the result of watching life at my friends' houses, where they did not seem like their entire lives were centered around doing endless chores.

I just want to have some time of my own to just be a kid.

So what is this "fallout" I brought up, in the title of the post?

Our upbringings invariably end up shaping our adult lives... but sometimes the lifelessons that were instilled in us end up not serving our best needs as adults.

"Make yourself useful" leads us to anchor our self worth primarily in what we can do, more than in who we are . " By the time I was 21, I identified much more as a "Human Doing" than a human being.

Naturally, many people would likely not see that as an actual problem" since society places an inordinately high value on working. Personally, there's so much I'd rather be doing than working!

Blogging, for one...

Regardless, it took me many years to recognize that I had value beyond just the things I could do. And I'd like to think that is a good thing!

Thanks for stopping by and have a great weekend!

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2026.07.18 01:46 PDT
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