RE: Trauma on trauma (and more)

(Reasoning behind the suggestion I gave in my pervious comment)

I know how brutal it feels when your own nervous system is screaming for reassurance while the person you love has completely pulled away. Clinical labels explain the mechanics, but in real life and in verbal therapy, trauma is about survival. Your mind is trying to protect you from old abandonment, while her mind is trying to protect her from emotional overload.

There is one massive difference this time that your logical mind needs to anchor to every single day. Years ago, she vanished without a word. This time, she chose complete honesty. She opened up about her panic, explained her shutdown, and gave you a direct promise that she would tell you if she ever felt like running away. When your anxiety tries to use past patterns to predict the future, force yourself to trust her recent words over your old scars.

When someone is dealing with AuDHD, Pathological Demand Avoidance, and severe burnout, holding on tighter does not mean pushing for interaction or showing up unannounced. In that state, even a loving text asking how she is doing feels like a heavy demand to respond that her system simply cannot fulfill. Holding on tighter right now means becoming an anchor of zero demand safety.